I've only been a mum 3 years – still on the uphill of a learning curve that will last a lifetime, I hope. But there are some things I've already realised are Inevitable Truths;
The baby will always cry the second dinner is dished up Ever get the feeling you're being watched? I swear Baby Girl has a webcam – perhaps the monitor is two-way – how else would she know to let rip the second Down-to-Earth Dad opens the oven door? Maybe it's the smell wafting up the stairs. Maybe it's the sounds of cutlery clattering, but we could set the oven timer by that girl. The volume of her cries is in direct relation to the effort we've put into dinner. Beans on toast? Monitor light will hover in the green zone. Probably just a dummy job. Sunday roast? Monitor goes straight to red. Forget dishing up. We'll be cot-side at least an hour.