Last time I was pregnant, I had a sense of foreboding in me, something that told me that it wasn’t going to end well. As I went under the general anaesthetic for my emergency c-section, the last thing I remember was feeling an overwhelming sadness, convinced that I’d never wake up again and never get to meet the baby that I’d grown and felt kicking inside me. As it stands, I did wake up, but the feeling of foreboding had turned into one of extreme worry about my baby, who was unable to regulate her own breathing and she’d had the suck reflex traumatised right out of her.
It took 5 years to come to terms with those feelings and contemplate the thought of having another child, and ultimately, the want to add to our little family and give Sausage a sibling was stronger than my fears about ‘The Worst’ happening all over again. Of course, with new pregnancy comes new anxieties – will I make it to that ‘safe’ 12 week point? Will the scans be normal? Will I develop any pregnancy related illnesses along the way?