From the moment I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test with Baba all I have wanted is to be a good Mummy. That is what I try to achieve every day. When Rhianna Lily died, I immediately decided the best and only way I could mother her was to make sure I never hid her. That I always spoke about her. She was always a part of all of us and that everyone knew about her.
Once we had her buried I knew that the other way I could mother her was to always give her the brightest grave possible.
Since the day she was buried she has had that. Every few months she gets a new selection of fake flowers that are left there all the time, and then we take fresh ones up there at different times of the year.
I haven’t been for a long time.
I have become numb.
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