I’m terrified of getting motherhood wrong.
I look at these two beautiful children every now and then, and I’m filled with fear. Their innocence, their unknowing eyes, their precious smiles – these two beautiful children make me feel somehow overwhelmed.
When Milin looks up at me with wide-open eyes searching for answers, or when Jasmin stares at me with eyes just starting to discover the world, I’m filled with a sense of this all being too important to get wrong. It comes over me in waves, a feeling of massive responsibility. I’m in charge here. These are the two most precious people in my world, and I have to get it right for them.
I’ve made mistakes. Big ones. I’ve acted in ways I haven’t been proud of, I’ve made decisions I should have given more thought to, I’ve made errors that can never be made right and done things I wish I hadn’t but they’ll never go away. I can’t do that anymore.