And I thought I couldn't do dreams any more.
I thought I had to accept my life the way it is now. Just get on with it. But that left me feeling so low.
But perhaps I was wrong.
More than anything I need a break. Staycations help, but I'm still at home looking at all the things that need doing. I need to get away, but how? Going on holiday just seems unrealistic right now.
Travelling by ferry is not possible at the moment, and I cannot risk Smiley's wheelchair getting damaged by careless handling at the airport. I'm also always so stressed about going anywhere new with my daughter in case it is not suitable. Wheelchair-friendly often mean ramps and support bars, not the high-tech equipment that my daughter needs.
So no holidays.
But my son will grow up and become independent in a few years. So it will be just myself and Smiley. What will we do? How will we pass the time? Once it's just the two of us, there must be a way of making up for all those years of missed holidays, and friends and family have shown that independent travel is possible.