How To Have Writer’s Block

No speaking is allowed whatsoever. You are concentrating too much of your energy on berating yourself for not being able to string a single sentence together. Gaze distantly out of windows without actually seeing anything. Grunt and mumble under your breath, occasionally bursting out laughing for no reason. Cry uncontrollably while watching the news report that what’s his face, plays for somewhere or other football player has just got a book deal. Play with fire. Make a voodoo doll of yourself, and stick pins in it to kill the bad non-writing demons. Learn how to clog dance / knit / make amazing Yorkshire puddings. Get those creative juices flowing. Drink. Drink some more. Regret the tattoo on your arm that simply says “Think”. Consider taking up poetry. Stare at your empty computer screen for hours. on. end. Sob. Practise meditation. Get bored.

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