For sale: one small child, located halfway down the tree-lined streets of toddlerdom. New build, sunny facing aspect. Potential for imminent upwards expansion. Energy rating; uses lots of it, but does need constant refuelling. Special features – the ability to turn a tidy house upside down in an instant. Asking price? OIRO two good nights’ sleep and one lie-in.
OK I jest, but house selling with a toddler is a tricky thing, who’d have thought? I walk around the house, frantically tidying up. She follows, swiftly clearing whole shelves of books and emptying entire cupboards when I’m not looking. So we have taken to sneaking around at night, stealthily putting things up in the loft and straightening cushions. We tidy everything away in odd places that are out of reach – the tall kitchen cupboards, heavy drawers, the dishwasher. And this is all done over and over, each time there’s a viewing. It’s like the Groundhog Day of domestic drudgery. Kirstie and Phil never warned me about this.