When I was a teenager, I felt so horrendously ugly, both inside and out, that I honestly thought I would never find anyone who would want to be with me. I told everyone I didn't want to get married and have children because I thought if I convinced myself and everyone else of this, it wouldn't hurt so much when it never happened. I convinced everyone that I didn't want or like children, that I was scared of them and didn't want them around. People were surprised when I fell pregnant because they had always believed my constant affirmation that I was fine on my own; and now here I was, suddenly step parent to six children and expecting my own. I don't think anyone expected me to be particularly good at being a mother because I'd always talked about how much I didn't want to be one and never wanted to get married. When I was pregnant I remember my mother telling me I was the least maternal person she'd ever met.